It has been at least two years since I have blogged! My first blog morphed into something that it was not first meant to be...it went from a "family, story of my day, watch my kids grow" kind of blog to a "money saving machine" blog. I got overwhelmed and felt under appreciated for all the work I put into helping other people learn the concept of saving money, so I just "quit". My second blog documented the surgeries I had nearly two yrs ago, and it was open by "invitation only" because of the graphic pictures and personal nature of the blog. So, this is a fresh, "brand spankin' new" blog that I have created to be an outlet for my MANY emotions, as well as a tool to keep family/friends up to date with my "drama"...aka life!
Honestly, this blog more about having my own "space"....my OWN personal space in this world, that is truly JUST my own! Sometimes it feels like I have NOTHING of my own...I don't have my own car-which I was recently reminded of yet AGAIN, when a important receipt got thrown out because I left it in the console....ok, it wasn't really THAT important, but it DID have $5.00 worth of CVS money on it! (This has happened countless times...last time it was a important phone number.) Anyhoo...I recently bought a small desk for $20 off of craigslist...for a day or so it kind of felt like I had a "space" of my own...but it didn't take long before it was being rummaged through when someone needed a pencil or paper or couldn't find something! I just need a space, a teeny tiny space, that is all my own! So, I guess "cyber space" is better than NO space...right? Does that make me selfish? I long ago discovered the reason why I LOVE long, hot baths so much! It isn't because they are relaxing (although they ARE!), it is because-for at least the time I am in there, THAT space is ALL mine. I can be alone with my thoughts (as long as I turn on "white noise" to drown out the noise of a TV/radio/..... that can be heard, with clarity, through paper thin walls!) I know I must sound like one of those horrible mothers who can't stand her own family....nothing could be further from the truth. I am human, a woman, a person who has sacrificed a lot for the needs of my family-which is why, right now, I am willing to settle for a space only as big as this page.
My classes start back up in less than 4 weeks (YIKES!) and I am NOT ready to go back!! I have enjoyed being able to relax and not stress over something that will be "due" soon....other than BILLS, of course! I don't know how much time I will be able to dedicate to my new found "space" but I hope that I will make it a priority, even if I don't have a single reader....
I can definitely relate to what you are saying. We, as moms and wives, need some time to ourselves. We need our own space at times in order to be able to function as moms and wives. Otherwise, we get burned out just like any other job! The only difference is, we don't get holidays paid or personal days... it's a 24/7 job. Do I think you are selfish for wanting your own time and space in the course of a day... absolutely not! You read my mind!!! I hope you are able to find these two things in other places other than your blog. You deserve it! I love you Gf! Carol
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